Is it OK to have sex when your children are in the same room?

It's a question dividing parents: Is sex in the same room as the kids OK?

By, Ni wayan tantri,

via: Medical Check Up - post > netmums.com  Should you have sex when your children are in the same room? It's a question dividing a community of mother on netmums  some claiming it's a form of "child abuse" others admitting they've done it, too.

In an anonymous forum post, a woman wrote that she was, "increasingly disturbed since a friend told me about a week ago that she and her husband are having sex in the room with their 10-year old and 8-year-old asleep."

The woman explained that for various reasons the family would be sharing a room for the next few months, "so this situation won't change for a while yet."

"They do have a living room," she continued, "so I can't understand why they don't have sex there before they go to bed. My friend says it's fine – they make sure the children are asleep but I am not certain you can be sure or that they won't wake up and lie there wondering what is happening."

"The unnamed poster also said that her friend feels it's no different to "the third world countries where families all share one room."

Asking for advice, the woman admitted that the situation made her feel very uncomfortable, given the age of the children. Should she say something? Or is it "none of my business?"

The post has attracted hundreds of comments and ignited fierce debate – both around the issue itself and whether or not the poster should speak to her friend.

"It's not right in my opinion, but it's not really any of your business either," said one Netmum member." I'm pretty sure they're not concerned with your opinion on their sex life and I don't see what saying anything will achieve but an argument and potential falling out."

Another forum user likened the behaviour to abuse. "I think it's totally wrong. It's bordering on child abuse and social services would not be pleased…what if they wake up? Revolting and I wouldn't be able to not say anything. There's absolutely no need to do it in the same room so the fact they do is just disgusting."

Other users admitted to having done something similar. "Well…I've kinda done it too," one mother wrote. "We make sure they're asleep, stay under the covers, make very very little noise…the kids are asleep it's not going to affect them mentally."

"Good grief," another posted. "I don't imagine they are swinging from the light fittings or using whips and chains! It's not abuse, OK, it's not ideal but it's not abuse. We did this when we shared a room with our 13yo when on holiday."

So, what do the experts think? Psychologist Emma Kenney told the Daily Mail that the decision is age-dependent. While many parents have sex in the same room as their babies and younger children, "When it comes to children of eight and 10, it's a judgement for parents as to whether they truly believe the children are asleep," she says.

While emphasising the importance of sex for maintaining intimacy in a relationship, Kenney also argued that with kids, "you don't want to upset them and it's best to keep personal intimacy separate to them. It's not something they can quite understand at that point."

Kenney was reticent to criticise the couple in the post, saying they sounded like "loving parents trying to manage a difficult situation."

Having worked with victims of abuse and observing first hand, the devastation it causes to their lives, Kenney cautioned those jumping to the conclusion that the behaviour was "child abuse." "I think people should be very careful in what they're suggesting," she said